Comic 1195 - Get a phone call
Posted on 18th Oct 2019, 5:18 PM
in Like a Bullet from Behind
Average Rating: 5 (3 votes) /
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Author Notes:
As you ready yourself to disappear into the red, however--
"Whoa, hold up," Caius begins. You pause, and all eyes turn to him. He puts his finger to his ear as though listening to an earpiece... though, of course, his phone runs a bit deeper than that.
"I, uh..." Caius makes... a face, his confused stare jerking abruptly from nowhere straight to you. "Huh. Blondie, ya might not wanna do whatever you're doin'."
"Who is it?," Dr. Finch asks. "Who's talking to you, Caius?"
"Blondie is," Caius replies, sounding surprised by his own answer. He turns from Dr. Finch to lock eyes with you. "You're... you're on tha phone
and you keep yellin' about time."
(You've probably figured that out already)
Why is... a difficult question. Anxiety and all the shit I've almost lost has slowed it down, yeah, but why I'm now at a point where I struggle to put anything up is a deeper issue and I can't give you an easy answer. The shortest version is, it's gotten too big. There's too much minutiae, there's too many things for me to juggle, there's too many characters and events and ideas. It's all gone on way too long, and if I could focus exclusively on BiM I think it'd be alright... but balancing this comic, and games, and books, and everything else I'm doing to try and survive as an artist, well--
my wordpad file is no longer enough to keep up with BiM. I forget things. I have trouble getting into character. I lose track of where the story is and what's supposed to be happening in the background. I've had to take hiatuses to make money on the side, and those hiatuses just drag me deeper into being totally lost with my own narrative.
This was hard for me to come to terms with and it's even harder to admit here (it took me over two months, in fact). Every day I'm hemmoraging patrons and people are leaving the discord, though, and as much as it hurts to even hint at some kind of finality or to say "this is it, I have to stop," it hurts more to think people are just shaking their heads and walking away while I refuse to give an answer.
I don't want to.
That's the thing. I love BiM. I love BiM and I'm tired of giving up. I'm tired of half finished projects and unmet potentials and just... unceremoniously dropping shit. I keep trying to power through and it works, for a little while, but these hiatuses are getting longer and longer. I have options. I don't know if any of them are going to satisfy, but this is a choose your own adventure and I'm going to leave it up to you guys. This is what I have:
Option A: I write up an ending. You guys have surprised me countless times in the direction things have taken, so any conclusion I come up with will never be "real;" I have plans and ideas and can speculate as to how things would turn out, but it'll just be that. It'll be what I imagined was going to happen. I won't skimp, and this will be hitting every plot point I can remember, every detail I still have typed up, everything resolved in detail from now through the Carpenter fight, what's in Bunker X, and how the battle against Thale would go. It's a conclusion. I post it and I move onto something new and smaller (I will still be doing CYOA things, I'll just be doing a different one that maybe fucks me up less on a personal level). The story remains intact, but ends.
Option B: I continue the comic but I clean things up a bit. I have... an idea for how to pull this off without, like, doing a full blown reboot. It will be incredibly weird and I don't think it will make everyone happy, but the comic would (technically) keep going--just without a lot of the smaller plot threads and elements still dangling in the background. BiM has always been me; the characters are facets of me, the plot began as a textual fantasy war against capitalism and my own fondness for body horror. I've changed, and this BiM would be different, too. Slightly. But different. You would get more comic, but it wouldn't be the story you started with and a lot of the elements of that story will be gone.
If nothing else don't feel ashamed about anxiety, anxiety is a bitch and no one should feel bad for having it. Instead feel proud for speaking up because you knew you wanted to!
Your mental health comes before this comic, and whichever option is less stressful for you is the one that you should go with. In other words, my vote is Author's Choice.
This has been, by far, my favorite comic that I've ever read. No matter what happens, now, I'll always be greatly appreciative that I got to read it!
Ultimately, though, it's your choice. I'm sure whatever you choose to do will be amazing.
In the first place, because don't think I'd really enjoy a forced ending, even if it does hit most plot points needed for it.
Second, I... honestly, I'm not up-to-date with all the minor plot threads going on either. I only remember some of them because other folks keep bringing them up, or because I re-read part of the archive. It's wonderful that you've managed to create such a big, open world, but personally I can't enjoy it to its fullest because I have difficulty keeping the details straight. If I'm understanding it right option B would help a little in that regard, and it sounds like something I'd enjoy a lot more than a sudden ending.
Well, I think that regardless of what option you choose, I'll still be a fan. Neither option might lead to the ending I'd hoped for, but that's how it always goes with stories. And I have faith that you can make either option work in its own way.
Anyways, most important of all: make sure you don't force yourself to continue working in a way you don't enjoy, and you do you! I'm sure you'll retain many fans regardless of what you decide to do.
A comic(or any other story) overstaying it's welcome is worse than ending too soon. Besides, there's always sequels for continuing on down the line.
also +1 to this
Before I give my answer, I'd like to share something about me:
I like making stories in my head. I would never dream of writing most of them down, and some of them are just me using other's characters to do a little funny idea I've had. Think of it as a cross between fanfiction and your discord's face chat, with a little bit of everything else thrown in, and without the loss of dignity these stories would usually cause. I love doing this. If I was ever to tell people about them, I could go on for hours. I've made them go from magic to time travel to complete insanity and then back again. I've also, for my favourite ones, the ones I love but It's been just a wee bit too long and I've forgotten how it started, starting anew. If it's been too long then I'll change the focus of the story, the point of the story, or even what kind of story it is. If it's been too long then I'll end them, in something as dementedly poetic as I can in my brain. I can't just leave them hanging, I really can't. They mean so much to me that I think that leaving them would feel like leaving an old friend to die on your porch.
To be fair, that paragraph had little to do with you. That was all me. But... I love your story. It's one of my favourites. I've literally made references to this story in my day-to-day life.
I won't sit here and tell you what to do when we are talking about your life. Do what you want. Admittedly, And I say this because you only deserve real honesty, If you change Blood Is Mine I may not find the new stuff interesting. But I'll always owe you for what you have so far. You do great work, and I am proud to say that the reason I made a comic fury account is to subscribe to this comic.
So... Thank you.
Also, wow, I didn't expect to go off on a tangent like that. I was gonna just give you a choice and be done with it, and now I feel anything short of letting you decide would be something I would eternally regret.
TL;DR: Guys, this is Blood Is Mine. It'll be awesome whatever happens.
Honestly, I'd love to see BiM keep going. But it's a behemoth. I get that. And, y'know, I have a friend who I was reading the comic with for a while. It'd be nice to be able to tell her there's an ending. It might not be the one I wanted, but it'll be one I respect.
Or I could ask you take the gardening shears to BiM. Which is... Also difficult, sorta, given that the comic to this point has been a torrent of blood and a pruned edition would be like sticking the ocean in a funnel, I guess.
Really, I'd prefer to see it keep going, but frankly, I think maybe it ending would be better. It will give you opportunity to recover, move on to other projects, and whatever else you need to do.
Frankly, I've never known what all you do outside of BiM, though I've caught glimpses. But I have read some from your other comics. You write well. I like you, not only what you make. I hope you'll succeed in wherever you go next.
Option A.
I would rather have a strong, understandable, if somewhat hollow conclusion than that. Option A.
I think getting a conclusion on all the great big jumble of things we've opened up would ultimately feel more satisfying than rendering most of them irrelevant and moving on to something else, so, Option A. Endings are bittersweet, but they make the whole package of a story a much more fond memory than just kinda... trailing off.
But if I had to pick between Option A and Option B I would pick Option A, because I wasn't really here for the CYOA I was here for the good story and Option A would give that.
Who knows maybe there are more stories in the Blood is Mine universe so long as they are of manageable size. If Mine is not dead at the end of Option A, then space adventures with the aliens and gods are a possibility (a kind of Option B) if it's worth it.
More seriously, you are building a history of letting personal issues kill projects and ruin your enjoyment in life. I recommend consulting a specialist at some point. It hurts to see so much of your potential die on the vine.
As for BiM: Option A, if you're sure you can do it without pruning out too much.
:/
Try to be a little more mindful of what the things you say imply to and about others, maybe.
The fact of the matter is, I have (secondhand) watched Morgenstern battle with procrastination, anxiety, depression, and other issues for years now. He's made multiple comments throughout that time about underlying issues making him unhappy; if someone's life is affected that much and that often, then seeking counsel is probably a good idea. Attacking my word choice that you personally disagree with doesn't change anything about that.
One is a much better look than the other.
and above all, therapy is not a magical cure-all. it, and the medicines that would no doubt be prescribed to manage disorders, are also incredibly expensive if you don't have health insurance, and that's assuming one lives in an area that isn't ass backwards and has professionals who are even willing to treat depression.
you didn't take anything into account, you didn't consider that maybe he's tried this already, maybe he's already done all he can, you just rolled up in here with "hurr hurr tRaVeL bAcK iN tImE aNd StOp BeInG a WeEnIe" and expected people close to this to not take offense? really?
get over yourself.
I dunno, sorry if I'm putting on more pressure. As one of the higher-donating patreons, I was always rooting that you'd make it big with this.
In my own experience -- wherein I am hitting the same wall, hard, with what is my largest ongoing creative effort that I have already once rebooted -- I think going with option A will make you feel the best about the project when all is said and done.
Plus, you'll get to apply those energies and new ideas to something that won't have the added pressure of "I already give this a second shot and expectations are high." Right now, the second wave of burnout I'm experiencing is kinda worse because of that.
If you want to do smaller projects set in the BiM universe, with different perspective characters, that might be a good option for keeping this wonderful world of yours going without the massive tangle of characters and plot threads. Or you could start something new and we'd all be happy for that too! We like your stuff, whatever form that stuff ends up taking.
Please do your best to take care of yourself above everything else.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKRhv2W_4R0
"Time is like a bullet from behind; I run for cover, just like you. Time is just a fiction of our minds; I dance the same dance, just like you."
I rather remember BiM as the amazing story that never got completed then the one with a bad ending or a unsatisfying reboot.
Still needs an ending. Not ALL the ends need tied in, just the major pieces of fabric. There are numerous threads that can be left hanging or clipped off...or back to Amazon for some spinoffs.
I like A: write more big chunks with less audience input so an ending can be made properly.
This. Wierdweblurker, Pkrankow and Kumondo pretty much sum up my feelings here. This has been an awesome ride, while I'm sad to see it end I've loved every minute of it and would love a conclusion. I personally have nothing against reboots, and several of my favorite shows, comics and games have shown they can be done good. If nothing else, you've opened up the possibility of alternate universes in the story already so there's nothing to stop you from doing a new what if/retcon story if you wanted to start over with a cleaner story or whatever.
I also, would love to see this collected into a compilation or on Kindle or something. I love webcomics, and comics in general, but sometimes? I kinda hate serialized stuff. ... Go ahead and throw internet trash and such at me, but I've had less and less time to sit down and just go through my comic feed. I've got over 600 unread comic pages according to the icon, and that's only the stuff that I remembered to find feeds for. I'm sure there are dozens of comics that I loved to read over the years that have made leaps and bounds that I've forgotten to check because I have a horrible memory and a glitchy attention span. Combine that with moderate depression and a occasionaly getting a bit obsessed with things (like a good story or game) and you have the makings of a bit of a mess and a huge backlog of things that you just can't bear to throw aside for any number of reasons. (There was a comic on Nerf Now! about a month ago now that sums up my Steam Library pretty well as a matter of fact)
Ultimately? I have found too many stories online that I fell in love with, only to have them vanish or just...stop. Sometimes, they come back from the grave &/or get a bit of a retcon (Looking at you Undead Friend and Parallel Dementia!). Sometimes, things need to end but it doesn't have to be sad (well, excepting tragedies, I suppose). Everything has to end at some point, so while we may have helped steer the course and muddy the waters, it's your ship Matt. Let's end this the way it began: with a bang, a whimper of fear and a great big scary monster. I can't remember how I stumbled onto this (and Nast: the Enchanter) but I loved every minute of both stories. I'm with you all the way whatever you decide, and hope to see more after that.
Morgenstern, I am a big fan of you and your work. My only regret with BiM is not finding and becoming a part of it sooner. Your talent with worldbuilding, dialogue, character development, storytelling and art is phenomenal and inspiring. However the story goes from this point, I have full confidence that you can make it end well, and that whatever project you put you mind to next will be equally awesome.
I just want to thank you so much for letting us be a part of this world and community you've created. Not just the fact that this is a choose you're own adventure comic, but even the privilege of reading such an incredible work at all. This is far and away my favorite webcomic, and it honestly means a lot to me. I've got the medium size "Blood is Mouth" pillow from the store and it legitimately helps me sleep at nights. [Quick plug for the store to everyone else; it's never too late to by merch and show a little bit of support. :-) ]
My vote of the two is for option A. (Though I like a couple of the side suggestions like authors choice.) This is a story that does deserve an ending, rather than just fizzle out. After that, we'll see what the future holds. Just be sure to take care of yourself first, and know that we will continue to support you.
And hey, maybe if you finish this, you can get to work on GAG: ORDER. We don't really need art for that, we just need you to finish writing.
And thank you for doing the hard thing and continuing the story in some form, rahter than dropping it altogether.
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Action suggestion: GO FUCK ASSHOLES UP.
Given how your other CYOA went, I really have no problem with either continuing this comic but with some thinning or wrapping this up and starting something new. You really are a great writer despite the setbacks you've had to endure. I'm sure whatever you go with will still be great.
So my vote is going to be a cheat: Whatever you prefer.
If you feel like this story has gotten too big and you'd only be continuing (in the simplified manner you stated of course) because of the fans, then go with A; complete the story and move on.
If you truly want to continue the story and you just want to clean up some of the minutiae and streamline the process, go ahead with B and you can always go with A if you (or the readers) don't like the revised version.
For me, BiM is one of the most creative, catching and surprising comic/story. Despite the two month hiatus, I kept checking daily for news or an update. As a person who struggles with creativity, I offer you my greatest respect for your fantasy, for every plot twist, for every monster you have created...
I vote for Option A because I want to know how the story was planned to go. I have been longing for BiM to progress more quickly, so I finally want to get to read what else you have in stock for us. And I agree that there are too many loose ends to tie them all up, I don't even remember all of them.
As sad as BiM ending will be, your health must stand above all our satisfaction and hunger for horror, plot twists and crazy fantasies.
Thank you for so many hours of catching reads!
Draining. Option A: Then publish it and come back to it later.
You'll feel much better for a fresh start.
Mochi.
HEY.
Mochi.
Thanks for supporting option A.
but i respect that you've toned it down in comparison to the shit-eating-ness of prior comments.
HEY.
Mochi.
This story isn't about you.
Option A +1
I leave ye with a Blessing of Music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QhwWghC9Ec
I have a somewhat nuanced idea that may work for both parties. Hopefully. How about you do Option A, for now, but put in the work to begin a new story in the BiM universe? No Mine, no ancient blood aliens of the Red, none of the major cast members we've had (maybe cameos from some smaller ones). You could then implement what you're saying about Option B -- make it more concise, more streamlined, implement whatever you had in mind for that.
I think my suggestion would be very constructive, would give us followers closure, but would also allow you to use the world you've crafted and allow us to continue following it.
The last 2 years have been quite the journey, and it deserves a proper end.
that said, hopefully there will be room for a sequel some time in the future.
Take care of yourself, and thank for all the
fishblood ;)We're good, man. Do your thing. Breathe. I've said it before, I'll say it again, we'll still be around if and when you decide you need to change things up for your own good.
I just hope you let go of the guilt you're feeling over this. Make your art. Make it yours, and make it in a way that works for you. We appreciate the ongoing explanation, but you don't owe us any justification.
I'm looking forward to wherever it goes, and whatever happens next.
We're good, man. Do your thing. Breathe. I've said it before, I'll say it again, we'll still be around if and when you decide you need to change things up for your own good.
I just hope you let go of the guilt you're feeling over this. Make your art. Make it yours, and make it in a way that works for you. We appreciate the ongoing explanation, but you don't owe us any justification.
I'm looking forward to wherever it goes, and whatever happens next.
It's funny, I actually thought about posting a comment on why I haven't been a frequent reader for a while now as well. And, interestingly, it lines up perfectly with what Morgenstern wrote.
(And let it be said, most of the reason I wasn't around as of late was because I was struggling with getting on my feet as a writer as well.)
So here goes. When BiM started, it was weird body horror set in a hospital, and no one really knew anything about what was going on. The scope was small, and decisions had to be reached quickly. There was an urgency to the story, and a lot of mystery.
As BiM chugged along, Morgenstern extended the setting in beautiful ways, giving us all a complete city to explore and go nuts in. There still was that feeling of urgency – having to rescue Caius, thugs coming at us in jeeps, that sort of thing.
I might be wrong, but I think the turning point came when we infiltrated Hope's church (I might be wrong though; this is also the point in the story were I started to participate in the comments). We devised the perfect plan, found great solutions, pushed our blood powers to the limit … everything went smoothly and we were happy. What followed was … more of the same. We explored our powers more and more, collected stuff, built our army up, etc … and while I enjoyed the settings, suddenly, the sense of urgency was off. It felt like we were playing The Elder Scrolls and had taken a break from the main quest, digging through people's wardrobes and helpless bandit's caves, finding ever more wonderful loot. The urgency was gone. Carpenter didn't attack. Thale might as well have been nonexistent, as we got deeper and deeper into the lore.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to blame anyone for wanting to learn more about the world of BiM, and it _is_ a wonderful, well-written world, but the comic, at some point, ceased to be a story and became this vast, hulking monstrosity of our collective making that only meandered along. I didn't feel like Carpenter or Thale posed any risk to us anymore, since I honestly _knew too much_ about what we could do. So reading and commenting about how we could learn even more, become even more powerful? I'd had a tad too much of that already.
Again, I don't want to point any fingers, screeching "you/we/those guys ruined BiM", I just thought I'd add my two cent as to what caused the whole swelling up of the story. At times, prodding the players and forcing them to go unprepared is necessary, and it certainly was what made me become so involved with the comic.
In any case, I'm looking forward to whatever will happen to BiM! Cheers everyone!
You like what it offers you with comments, fans, Discord etc.
But after what you said isn't it time to move on?
Everyone wants option A.
Thank you so much for your time and effort.
We all look forward to seeing the real ending of Mine.
Maybe after Christmas?